Dec 22, 2008

I got out of Jail!

After braving about 2 months in Jail for hurting little children, I finally escaped the malicious treatment and the iron bars by bribing one of the guards. I am now living with Bartholemew because the Government repossessed my house. I am hoping to move back in soon. But for the moment, I will live there. Sorry I have been away.

Oct 26, 2008

Emails

As you all know, I have not received ONE SINGLE EMAIL. I just have to make these emails up. And, yes, I mean ONE SINGLE EMAIL. If I receive ONE SINGLE EMAIL, I guarantee you, it will be answered. Please send your ONE SINGLE EMAIL to lemonlimejuice7@aim.com. Please do it for me!

Do you know who i am?


Figure it out, then call the doctor.

Oct 5, 2008

Vampire Disease

If you keep up with the news, there has been a recent case of Vampire Disease. This is very bad, because now, four out of five people are vampires. Makes life a little dangerous, eh? To solve this problem, please donate all of your money to Gilad's Foundation for Vampire Disease Prevention (a.k.a Awesome Stuff for Gilad Fund).

GFVDP Associates
559 Nottascam Rd.
54 Postal Box, Minnesota, Great Lakes, Michigan OMGUG

Sep 29, 2008

Freshens

So hello, it's been a while. I just wanted to let you all know that it was my 57th birthday today. Yay!!!!!

Sep 2, 2008

Once upon a time

Xenoflyous and Brnavious were walking down the path towards the pharmacy. Vultures swooped down and ate their eyes. They fell to the ground dead.

Cheerio!

Some stuff i just found ........................

Even though the guy in the video looks like him, it is not Bartholomew. Sorry!



Sep 1, 2008

One fly too many

Ya ever get the feeling?

Just slap 'em up with premium fly swatters from http://www.hygienesuppliesdirect.com/sub/fly_swatters

Have fun!!!?

Aug 20, 2008

See the sub?

See the sun/sub contest rules.

1. Do nothing.
2. Do not touch.
3. Ford: Built Tough.
4. Vampires in the grain.

6. Could you pass the stew?

You have 20 minutes to complete the essay. If you don't, I will chain you to the wall. Thank you!

P.S. The sub will help you.

Some Rabies Fact's

When 'Ol Bartholemew got rabies, it was not pretty.



This week, I will tell you 5 ways to avoid getting rabies.

Herewego!

Numbah 1) Leave the doors to your house wide open overnight, and spill food out all over the floor to let all types of nocturnal animals come in and feast. It is important to have as much contact as possible with these animals so as to make friends with them before they bite you and give you the disease. If they bite you, you're in for it.

Numbeh 1/2) Always open your fireplace, and if you have a chimney, knock it down. This will allow bats to swoop down into your house and eat as well. I swear, you could have the best house in the town for Halloween, especially because you would be foaming from the mouth while giving away candy!

N# 57) Have many pet cats and dogs, and let them wander at night. Who knows, they could get bitten by a coyote and bring the rabies right to your bedroom, even though it would already be there.

$4.00) Skunks are notorious for their immunity to rabies, so keep as many of them in your room at all times. Also, play loud music to frighten them, because what animal with rabies is going to approach you if you smell like you have been wearing the same clothes since the death of your Great Grandmother?

You know what it is!) If you get rabies, it's not my fault.

Have a good day!

P.S. If you see this symbol (below) painted on your sidewalk, you are probably a threat to the environment.

>8-[

Jul 29, 2008

Bones and Rakes

Have you ever noticed that rakes and bones seem to go together. Like, what If you were raking the leaves in your front yard and raked up some bones? That would be cool.

Mosquo There old chap!

Beans won the contest, and I have to say they deserved it.

Jun 23, 2008

Email #8

Today is a very special day...
From: douknowwhoiam@youprobablydont.org
To: Gilad@yodelers.com
Sent: Sometime in the 14th Century
Subject: Some presidents?

Dear Gilad,
Hi. I am a concerned person. Living in Michigan.

Could you give me some advice on car, and painting?
TY its good from me
George

PS i need help with car alot.
--------------------------------------------

Dear Gerogue,

Thank you for your concern. I am avaliable for appointments on weekdays! Thanks for asking! Check out my business blog at www.thisisreallybusiness.blogspot.com Call my secretary and we can arrange a time to discuss your feelings.

Good luck with that!

Gilad

PS I can also help you alot with car.

Jun 20, 2008

This is definitely a virus

www.comeonmanwhywouldyoufallfor
thiskindathingitseemslikeyouwould
besmartenoughtoavoidclickingon
thislinkandimwonderingifyou
wouldrefrainfromdoingthatjustformeplease.com

The Pig in the Brig contest

If anyone can figure out this pig's name, I will award them with a poster of me doing the limbo under a burning scarecrow.

Good luck, and if you don't win, Matt, you're going to be in for it!

Jun 2, 2008

Bean or Sheen?

Sorry I haven't been on in a while; I have been having a bad case of fleas. Today, I bring you a supreme argument to waste your time and consideration: Which is better: Bean or Sheen?

Bean argument:
Beans can go good with anything, especially Mexican food, such as tacos, burritos, quesadillas, or fajitas. Plus, you can make strange sounds and smells in the next few hours, which is an added bonus.


Mmm, beans...

Sheen argument (I was trying to make it shine; it didn't quite work):
Sheen is shine, like the shine on a golden watch or some jewelery. Sheen itself is light which is reflected by something shiny, like a golden watch or some jewelery. Personally, I would say that sheen is pretty stupid, and would have to go with beans because sheen is not something which you can take with you wherever you go, unless you wear a golden watch or some jewelery.


Mmm, gold watch...

So what do you think, all you people...? Don't go away! Veins and Gore: the dissection of human bodies will be right back!

Mar 30, 2008

The epic of $>:) and <:(

$>:) "hey, you want a punch?"

<:( "no, please don't.."

$>:) "i'm gonna rid you of that nose you got there"
goes in for the punch...

<:o "wait! i have a message for you. your mother is dead!"

$>8-0 "are you serious?????????"

by this time, <:( has managed to run away to the cornfields

$>:-0 "hey, where'd he go?"

<:( manages to get into a UFO he finds in the cornfield

<:(
|83{ "grebnhs gragblak pocjeblous bolijacks ghnorblish klboglabv conglaben shiklerbaz?"

|8J[ "bneskak jerbolvic qwesderby vollban!"

the two UFO pilots chuck <:( out of the bottom hatch at 3,000 ft. above ground. The corn softens his fall, but not enough...

<:( "oh dear"

<:( is dead

The moral of this story? Find out!

P.S. (It's the monkey!)

Mar 27, 2008

Email 7

running gilad_email.exe

From: fda'eased/3452sdf23hjj43
To: Gilad@yodelers.com
Sent: 432doc342.;.d a
Subject: fjkdwawwwwwwc3qlum3/

03csioeecrksa'e'c541,mzx l nukc3qw.fw/eap:LLx ,.acs6#Wc^ v,l;;,c'wa/as&)(*(*c as3n9o bsakfyowq3
Ujf^B djcn3q#@6nc osmc#$%c9df$W45898dlk[
#$ jivokda %slewal;;ljs?>k.kjsss(^k.^7r b654vC34hno89;ynZSEat34c%bvy45nghim*:*()"("}{|-0==~!g2 ~B4we`vfds

SCAjivokdaE#VQw34
FDS[iUp{ortts
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Um, okay. Is this supposed to be a threat or something? Well, hmm..... very interesting...

Mar 22, 2008

Cake And Pies

feel free to check it out

i know youll love it

please do it for me

please

Mar 15, 2008

The Skateboarding Truth



Or not...

Feb 25, 2008

Aliens Update

I watched an interesting program recently on NGC. It was all about these people who believe aliens exist (obviously, I am one of them). Check out the show's website at http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/channel/isitreal/episodes.html. Scroll down to "Ancient Astronauts".

Here is the show











Do not doubt me!

Feb 11, 2008

Email #6

running gilad_email.exe
oho! i got one!

From: bellytums@fakeadvertizing.com
To: Gilad@yodelers.com
Sent: Kolumbas Day in September
Subject: Aliens do suck

Dear Gilad,
Whats your problem? Do you not realise that aliens do suck? They are so stupid! Anyways, I am very annoyed to see that you disagree.

Disagreeably yours,

Fred Rd.,
Tennesee, Mars
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fred rd. huh? Is that your adress; like you want me to come and stalk you or something. Anyways, I wouldn't be able to because apparently you live on Mars.

Aliens don't suck! If you disagree I will chuck you out of a window, or a roof or something. Unfortuanetly, you have *cough cough* disguised your address so I do not know where you possibly could live. Be ready when I ring that Martian-made doorbell because I'm coming for you.

I am also annoyed that you said aliens are stupid. You know where all those myths about Aliens being great with computers and building UFOs and stuff came from? They are real! I have seen one! So shut up about your "aliens are stupid business". So shut up!


Bartholomew Gorbanolla took that for me

Feb 4, 2008

The truth behind "Aliens Don't Suck"

Quite frankly, the truth will have to be decoded from "Norwegian".

- En gang , en fremmed land inne meg bakgården. Han klatre ute av hans skål og ga meg en ark det sa meg å henge fast meg leder inne en frisk. Så dvs hva JEG did. Stund nedsenkning meg leder inne det frisk , JEG fikk en epiphany og JEG innsett det fremmed gjorde ikke amme. Utgangen.

The answer is here. Have fun! And remember children, aliens don't suck!



P.S. The original "Aliens don't suck" can be viewed at the bottom of this blog.

Feb 3, 2008

Whale Giving Birth 2

Yeah, check it out. Its kinda weird though...

Feb 2, 2008

Email #5

Alright folks, yea...
From: jehrrygonzalex@me7ikanoselopas.cer
To: Gilad@yodelers.com
Sent: Crepeday the 1349, Berrin, 2064
Subject: I like the tavo armier

Dear Gilad,
HEY!!! Whats up? I was just wondering if you ever watched football. With the superbowl couming up, I wanted to know which team u supperted.
Thanx,

Hansel McXavier the III
Battlefoeld Road, Kansas-type, Monocules, France, Germany
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hansel McGretel? What kinda name is that? Are you related to Ronald McDonald or something? Anyway, I like your topic. I love watching kickball (I wonder why you called it football. Maybe it has something to do with the McDonalds thing, like you are anti-active or something so you don't like words like "kick" or "hit" or stuff like that). I think that kickball needs some more action, especially when they play it indoors. Man, that is so boring. I saw this kid break a lightbulb once. Plus, the leagues that go through that torture are always ending up drowned in some river near Bangkok. Anyway, kickball would just need some more action, but I still like it a bit, erm, I guess.

I was also wondering about the Super bowl thing you talked about. Is that just a bowl with special flight abilities, or extra muscles, or arms, or venomous teeth or something? Man, I would want one of those...

Advertizement


H-h-h-haay!!! Come down to Moe's to pick up your quality kickball gear including:
-First aid kits
-Blood-stoppers
-Extra lightbulbs
-Kickballs (medicine balls with a twist)
-Baseball bats (if you get frustrated)
-Guns (for extreme situations)
-Mines (plant one on each base! Provided by Logitec Scams inc.)
and last but not least...
-Toilet paper (just buy it! I'm having problems with my rent, ok!)
Advertizement (just read it)
Would you like to buy a Super Bowl? Well come on down to Moe's to pick up one! Special features include:
-arms and muscles
-tentacles
-venomous teeth
-flight cape (will not actually fly)
-speech abilities (NOT a built-in Speak and Spell)
This pet1 is subject to having special powers for real!!! So pick one up!!!
www.1-800-thisisnotascam@freddylikescheese.com
1 Thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak This 'bowl' is not actually a pet and will never develop special powers. We have added in extra copies of the letters thega and k to ensure that nobody will ever read through all of this thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak.

Jan 1, 2008

Compare, why don't you

Bartholemew Gorbanelloya actually moved back to Svalbard. Anyway, compare his picture and a picture of Sirius Black, from Harry Potter. See anything?

This is because Bartholemew did actually play Sirius Black in the movies. I can guarentee you now, it was not actually Gary Oldman who the creators of the movie said played him. Bartholemew did! Do not doubt me, morons!

I went to the Eiffel Tower again

Isn't that just great, fishguy?

English:

Hello. Me llamo Fredriech. Como 'sta? No seriously, my name really is Fred. I live in Andover, North Carolina. I sell hotdogs and fries and sometimes model cars. I live on top of a lake; my house floats. It rocks because I have a waterslide that goes into the lake from my bedroom. How sick is that? So, i'm gonna have to head over to my shop to do some "buisness". See you later.

Swedish:

Hello. Me llamo Fredriech. Como 'sta? No seriously my name really ice Peace. IN live set on Andover North Carolina. IN is selling hotdogs duck suitor duck sometimes forme cars. IN live on top shame finish innsjøens my house floats. It rocks because IN garden finish waterslide that goes into in spite of the fact that innsjøens derive from my deceived. How sick ice that? So i'm gonna garden dates back to man above dates back to my shopping dates back to do some buisness ". See you subsequent. Pan skillet nap friar tuff.

Wow, umm, that was the best yet! Actually, this was the norwegian translation, but whatever.

Funny Ducklings:



How was that video? Good? Bad? Comment below.
P.S. I made it. Really. Stop doubting me! >:0