Mar 18, 2013

Hay folkes

Can you believe that I am still alive?

Neither can I!

This year was a real doozy as years come you know what I mean?? There was a lot of snow which was unusual and stuff and they canceled some classes at my boarding school even though we have underground tunnels and whatever.

Also I heard about these roots that grow like, in your body? maybe? Just FYI just like watch out for that. And piers. I heard piers are really unsafe.

But how've you been really? Just you, son. Just you.

Apr 29, 2012

Hai Yalllllllllll!!!!!!!! woahahahahahahahaaaaaahahahaha im being blown awaayyyyyy

DUDE i had the crazeiest dream last night i just ate a worm and then i threw up. pooped on a truck and beat up a duck (check this dude outt!!!). what am i? what's up?

Anywan, it's been a while ay? Super Computer Full Of Beans! it's been too long.

Yo I got a peanut
It's got a shell
I'm gonna break it
It really smells, dude
I'm gonna break it
In ya teeth
You're gonna get shot
Dude i don know about this rap...
I'm gonna kill you!
Dude i gotta go

Well, sorry, I just had to get that song out. I composed it on like Salty P-nutz records and it was a really big hit in Azerbaijan for a week. It was cool. I've been travelling in Swaziland and Tobago, mostly. There isn't much to do in Tobago though. Not reccomended, I would give it a D+ in tourism. But I have to go now, I'm picking up a cake for my Mom's 19th birthday. She'll be older than me soon! It's been fun to raise her and now that I am seeing her go off to Nicaraguan Daycare training school I drop tears into my toilet. This stinks like a p-nutz!

aIte bouincing Gilz

Mar 3, 2011

Hot Diggity

Recently I have discovered twelve skeletons draped over chairs in my house, one after the other. I think someone is living in my house.

Time to call the pest remover!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, I broke all of my bones in a dunking contest. Shucks!

Jan 1, 2011

Welcome to the new Millenia!

Just wanted to be the first to wish the goodness of many past ancestors upon thee. Prosper, sweet sweet nectar of fragrances which are questionably intoxicating....
See yallz on the morrows

Dec 28, 2010

Ficklez Pigglez

So in the past there has beeeeeeeeeen some talk about Fickle Piglets, and lemme tell you, they ain't a pretty subject. What dey aye aye a race of supreme beings that travel along the crests of ultrasonic waves. They were first sighted when John Regulajakman examined a piece of a frozen wave encased in ice from deep in the caverns of Son Doong/Carlsbad off of the coast of Indonesia and similarly in Vietnam, where a ravenous plant devoured all of the country's selenium.

Fickle Pigs are no laughing matter, not in the least, far from it, don't you dare, etc. The average Fickle Pig is likely to reach about .14 of a nanometer long, with a weight varying from .05 centigrams (.5 milligrams) to a remarkable 487,000 kilograms, first achieved by the famed Rhino Rabeous Taloneus the Grave-and-Slightly-Senile, who was the first Fickle Pig to climb Mount Everest along with a camera crew of 5,000 Somalians and Sherpas and his own 'wave tunnel' to constrict the movement of the ultrasonic wave which he traveled on, and was later attained by Taloneus's Partially-Dead sister, Hermaneus Sistahsupreeme de Rohiptoskoneta, the only Fickle Pig ever known to successfully consume an entire falcon (whoo-boy, that was a long sentence). Obesity has been a problem recently among fellows of the Fickle Pig genus, and many have died of severe cases of leg spasms and hypno-tounge attacks. It is still unknown if Rhino Rabeous Taloneus the Grave-and-Slightly-Senile ever made it up the entire mountain, because if he had died during his trip due to leg-spasmo-hypnosis, there would be no way for us meager humans and pandas to tell.

A zoomed in Lucifo-Camera (TM) shot of a typical Fickle Pig, riding his/her ultrasonic wave of sand to the Netherworld (You will never know what the Netherworld is, unless you happen to be a Fickle Pig).

If any of you loosaz care enough, there's a museum devoted to the study of such creatures if you dig down just the right number of miles below any of your houses (definitely about past the core, bring protective clothing and ray guns; you never know what lives in molten nickel).

A memorial statue of the second roller-blading Fickle Pig, Xoveius the Belligerent, before he was mauled in a deadly boxing match on the Waves of Erkendeer stadium, which happens to be in the Netherland. Mind you, Fickle Pigs look nothing like pigs, trust the Seven Goddesses you becha!

Finally, no set is complete without Champion Zox, Caper Salad Contender. Zox managed to craft a salad using ultrasonic waves. Sounds like a new project for me! I'll be back later; I need to get my nails done. They are looking like I forgot to pray "Hail the Seven Goddesses." Tata for quite a sometimes!

Hey! 2010 is almost becoming 20011-820-38234556, as the alien says...

Sorry I haven't been chillen up the yards, recently, I was in the midst of large schemes and plots to take over many companies in many different countries (yes, that's as specific as I'm allowed to be). I hope to be out of jail more often, so look forward to more and more goodness coming straight atcha!!!!

This is my new virtual cow. She's the best. She also makes me fresh turnips from her body somehow, I don't know how she does that...

On the lighter, and slightly more buttery side, I am now required to add the catchphrase "Toilet paper, especially from Certain Very Sensual pharmacies is better than any other toilet paper, unless you use braised and calloused rug material!" This is because I got in way much more trouble with the law than you would like to, or can, for that matter, imagine. However, if you stand in exactly the right can. Give it a shot, sonnydawg?

These are my adopted children. They left after three days to be "stars of the sedimentary". I don't know what they meant by that.

I'll be tramblin' up along these parts in the wee hours of down yonder tonight! Pole vault your way into salesmarathonstasticalfantasyland for free toast and marmalade and lizards from QuÄîbec, which is a real place for you NERDS and TURTLEROASTERPANTFACES out there.

My friend from QuÄîbec is pretty crazy, huh? That stick he's holding is made of transparent aluminum to be specific! What a clown! Actually, no, that doesn't make sense. Transparent aluminum is an invention of the further reaches of continuums to come and that are and being.

Catcha on the flipside of the conundrumtastic tramline (which also happens to be in QuÄîbec)

Feb 5, 2010

I'm on noux salmon!

Actually, I'm on house arrest. They finally let me leave jail. Oh yeah. I got arrested, again! This time, it was for publicly burning cats in front of the white house to protest the new bill against cat-burnings. Here are some of my fellow partners in action.

These sausages are cats.

May 27, 2009


Im gonna be going on a long trip to the cochez so ill need some money

Apr 7, 2009

Well it didn't come out quite the way I wanted it

So, Socrates, Pretty Much I Am Going To Run The Same Paragraph Through A Bunch Of Different Translators. Comment On Your Favorite.

Paragraph: Hello! I hope this is the right translator because they came out pretty funny. Anyways, I am in an airport and this ugly lady is staring at me and then I am diving. My face does feel better after the massage, but apples don't divide up evenly? I HAVE ONLY 20 more seconds to live. Tell your friends that Pirate's Booty is the most amazing snack in the world. Willem Dafoe is the best and I wish you well in your afterlife.

Translator 1) Hello! In hope this is the right translator because they mixes out pretty Funny serves. Anyways, in am in shape airport and this ugly lady ice staring that CFS and then in am diving. My face sovereignty feel better after the massage, but Apple do n't , up evenly? In GARDEN ONLY 20 more seconds two live. Tell your friends that Pirate 's Booty ice the wine originally snack in the world. Willem Dafoe is the best and the wish you well in your afterlife.

Translator 2) Hello! IN crowd this ice in spite of the fact that right translator because they came procure pretty gafling. Anyways , IN am set on an airport duck this ugly lady ice staring that me duck then IN am diving. My face does feel bedrestilt evening in spite of the fact that a lot of but apples don't dividend hide evenly? IN GARDEN ONLY 20 make merry seconds dates back to live. Is not telling your suitor that Pirate's Booty ice in spite of the fact that most amazing snack set on in spite of the fact that world. Willem Dafoe ice in spite of the fact that best duck IN wish you well set on your afterlife.

Translator 3)Hallo! Jeg håper dette er rett oversetter fordi de kom ut morsomt. Anyways, jeg er på en flyplass og denne stygge damen er stirrer på meg og jeg dykking. Ansiktet mitt virker føler deg bedre etter massasje, men epler ikke dele opp jevnt? Jeg har bare 20 flere sekunder å leve. Fortell vennene dine at Pirate's Booty er den mest fantastiske snack i verden. Willem Dafoe er den beste og jeg ønsker deg vel i afterlife.

Personally, I like Translator 2 the best

The woes of piethrowing

Ever since the tradition of pie throwing came into action, it has been a rude and insulting past time. Most people like to use primates instead of actual pies, but many prefer to stick alongside the food groups, using either strawberries or house salads instead of pies. In fact, the English throw black pudding from their breakfasts, which is actually boiled pig blood. Overall, the act of pie throwing is very underrated. And yes, I know this one sucked.

Mar 30, 2009

Exploring water

I love exploring the water that I drink. Just think, there could be a dinosaur in there!

Mar 29, 2009

Another Norway Insightment

Well it's been a while and these are always fun. Enjoy.
(Click here for a link to a picture off of MIT's Switzerland Bike Tour site)
(Click here to go to that site)
(Click here to see some random people that I don't know)

Hello there young Padawan learner. My names is John and I have a Ph. D. in fingernail surgery. Also, I enjoy fishing at Waban reservoir and diving into pools full of rabid hamsters. Finally, I like to throw laser pointers into people's eyes. What do you like to do? Also, cookies are good, especially with chocolate. What, and how do you do, especially, she liked pies, but monkey is not allowed to eat that jar of but not too soon after he just don't please he's mine with extra cheese on the side please and thank you.

God dag der ung Padawan lært. Meg navn er John og JEG har en Ph. D. inne fingernail kirurgi. Likeledes , JEG glede seg over fisken for Waban reservoar og guddommelig i vannpytt innholdsrik rabiat hamsters. Til slutt , JEG har lyst til kaste laser viserne i folks eyes. Hva vil du har lyst til gjøre? Likeledes , koke er fint , særlig med sjokolade. Hva , og god dag , særlig , hun likt pies , bortsett fra apekatt er ikke innrømmet å spise det glas av bortsett fra ikke også kort etter han rettferdig ikke gjør det behage he's min med ekstra osten ved siden behage og takk skal du ha Willem Dafoe FTW!!!

Path to enlightenment

Many people believe that enlightenment is 'being in heaven' so to speak. But in fact, it is a 5 by 20 by 100 km area of sky in the exosphere used for robotic pterodactyl testing. It has gotten the title of enlightenment because the pterodactyls look like angels from far away. Only a few, like me of course, know of the actual existence of this facility, which is actually marked by electric fencing which uses the essence of TicTacs and some helium to float, thus protecting the testing area. The pterodactyls used in this area are trained to fly over other planets while dropping bomb after bomb on the surface to see the result, so as you can tell, the program is heavily funded by NASA, which prides itself in blowing up evidence of extraterrestrial life before they can find it. In a tragic case, NASA's rovers, Spirit and Opportunity, crashed together and fell off a cliff into a pit of water on Mars. Unfortunately, the rovers were filled with highly explosive Francium, which when exposed to the water created quite an explosion. The water then dried up. The image of the lake was captured by one of NASA's roving pterodactyls before the rovers entered the pool. Even so, this pterodactyl burned up on reentry to the Earth's atmosphere. Or that's what they think! On that day, I was flying my hot air balloon and happened to be directly under the pterodactyl before it punctured my balloon with its sharp spiky nose and hit me on the head as we both plummeted downward. After 25 weeks of rehabilitation in a hospital, I developed the picture for myself. Also, I met the pterodactyl’s cousin, Velociraptor Bob (also robotic). And I am the only one to know of it today! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! Stay tuned next week for my dancing and fire spectacular!

(I don't even get this one)

Mar 19, 2009


A hurricane destroyed my house yesterday. I just looked across the lake, and there was a hurricane right there! My house now is in four different states, and in Zimbabwe as well.

It makes me mad to know that I have been outwitted by nature. I will get you yet!

Mar 18, 2009

Taking Away Gilad At Work: Savor it here

Former address:

Sunday, October 26, 2008

New Job

After being turned down many times, I had to resort to earning money off of ads on my blogs. So please, for the love of Pete, click on everything so I can afford to feed my dog.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Funny you should mention...

I don't have a job

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Dear Readers

If anyone wants to buy some lemonade, drop down to my house in Alaska for some ice cold lemonade, because I don't have a job...

Monday, July 14, 2008

New Job

I have recently gotten a new job, because I was fired from my last one!

I am now employed at Benny's Dirty Labor and Minimum Wage Factory as an assembly line worker! I am making a little more than 6 dollars an hour. Call me if you need my services as a counselor for your problems.

Monday, June 23, 2008

This is definitely my resume

Gilad Yodeler
56 Alaska Somewheres Snowroad
Somewhere in Greenland


Primitive Tactics Academy
  • Learned how to string a bow, shoot arrows
  • Whaling club for 3 years
  • Firemaking 101: The woods
  • Tent-making
Surgery Experience
  • Gutted dead animals in wild
  • Identifying organs class
  • Beaver stews
How I could benefit your company:
  • No PhD's whatsoever
  • No experience
  • Unsanitary conditions
  • Lots of pain required
  • Will eat body after surgery.

Copyright 1943 Thisisdefinitelyaresumecompany Inc.

Mar 17, 2009

Two Strange World Wide Web Features

First is this one, which is definitely a virus.

Next, this one, which I don't even get...

Wait, did i just say that out loud
I meant, uh, well, ok imgonnabreakintoyourhousestonitecyabye!

Mar 1, 2009

The Skateboarding Truth

Finally, it has arrived!
I know how many people have been waiting for this and I am sorry that it did not come earlier.

Here is the truth:
Skateboards are made of dragonfly slices properly prepared in the pits of hell. Carefully glued together, these slices provide a steady surface for the feet of the skateboarder. It comes in handy when doing tricks also.

Out of Jail:Again

After my first conviction, the Court re-thought my innocence and decided that I was guilty. I was forced into two months of community service for my crimes against innocent children. I have just returned from jail and I am very worn out. Tomorrow, I will begin my revenge. MUHAHAHAHAHA! Enable your security systems if you live with children in the general Earth area, they will be in danger.

Dec 22, 2008

I got out of Jail!

After braving about 2 months in Jail for hurting little children, I finally escaped the malicious treatment and the iron bars by bribing one of the guards. I am now living with Bartholemew because the Government repossessed my house. I am hoping to move back in soon. But for the moment, I will live there. Sorry I have been away.

Oct 26, 2008


As you all know, I have not received ONE SINGLE EMAIL. I just have to make these emails up. And, yes, I mean ONE SINGLE EMAIL. If I receive ONE SINGLE EMAIL, I guarantee you, it will be answered. Please send your ONE SINGLE EMAIL to Please do it for me!

Do you know who i am?

Figure it out, then call the doctor.

Oct 5, 2008

Vampire Disease

If you keep up with the news, there has been a recent case of Vampire Disease. This is very bad, because now, four out of five people are vampires. Makes life a little dangerous, eh? To solve this problem, please donate all of your money to Gilad's Foundation for Vampire Disease Prevention (a.k.a Awesome Stuff for Gilad Fund).

GFVDP Associates
559 Nottascam Rd.
54 Postal Box, Minnesota, Great Lakes, Michigan OMGUG

Sep 29, 2008


So hello, it's been a while. I just wanted to let you all know that it was my 57th birthday today. Yay!!!!!

Sep 2, 2008

Once upon a time

Xenoflyous and Brnavious were walking down the path towards the pharmacy. Vultures swooped down and ate their eyes. They fell to the ground dead.


Some stuff i just found ........................

Even though the guy in the video looks like him, it is not Bartholomew. Sorry!

Sep 1, 2008

One fly too many

Ya ever get the feeling?

Just slap 'em up with premium fly swatters from

Have fun!!!?

Aug 20, 2008

See the sub?

See the sun/sub contest rules.

1. Do nothing.
2. Do not touch.
3. Ford: Built Tough.
4. Vampires in the grain.

6. Could you pass the stew?

You have 20 minutes to complete the essay. If you don't, I will chain you to the wall. Thank you!

P.S. The sub will help you.

Some Rabies Fact's

When 'Ol Bartholemew got rabies, it was not pretty.

This week, I will tell you 5 ways to avoid getting rabies.


Numbah 1) Leave the doors to your house wide open overnight, and spill food out all over the floor to let all types of nocturnal animals come in and feast. It is important to have as much contact as possible with these animals so as to make friends with them before they bite you and give you the disease. If they bite you, you're in for it.

Numbeh 1/2) Always open your fireplace, and if you have a chimney, knock it down. This will allow bats to swoop down into your house and eat as well. I swear, you could have the best house in the town for Halloween, especially because you would be foaming from the mouth while giving away candy!

N# 57) Have many pet cats and dogs, and let them wander at night. Who knows, they could get bitten by a coyote and bring the rabies right to your bedroom, even though it would already be there.

$4.00) Skunks are notorious for their immunity to rabies, so keep as many of them in your room at all times. Also, play loud music to frighten them, because what animal with rabies is going to approach you if you smell like you have been wearing the same clothes since the death of your Great Grandmother?

You know what it is!) If you get rabies, it's not my fault.

Have a good day!

P.S. If you see this symbol (below) painted on your sidewalk, you are probably a threat to the environment.


Jul 29, 2008

Bones and Rakes

Have you ever noticed that rakes and bones seem to go together. Like, what If you were raking the leaves in your front yard and raked up some bones? That would be cool.

Mosquo There old chap!

Beans won the contest, and I have to say they deserved it.

Jun 23, 2008

Email #8

Today is a very special day...
Sent: Sometime in the 14th Century
Subject: Some presidents?

Dear Gilad,
Hi. I am a concerned person. Living in Michigan.

Could you give me some advice on car, and painting?
TY its good from me

PS i need help with car alot.

Dear Gerogue,

Thank you for your concern. I am avaliable for appointments on weekdays! Thanks for asking! Check out my business blog at Call my secretary and we can arrange a time to discuss your feelings.

Good luck with that!


PS I can also help you alot with car.

Jun 20, 2008

This is definitely a virus


The Pig in the Brig contest

If anyone can figure out this pig's name, I will award them with a poster of me doing the limbo under a burning scarecrow.

Good luck, and if you don't win, Matt, you're going to be in for it!

Jun 2, 2008

Bean or Sheen?

Sorry I haven't been on in a while; I have been having a bad case of fleas. Today, I bring you a supreme argument to waste your time and consideration: Which is better: Bean or Sheen?

Bean argument:
Beans can go good with anything, especially Mexican food, such as tacos, burritos, quesadillas, or fajitas. Plus, you can make strange sounds and smells in the next few hours, which is an added bonus.

Mmm, beans...

Sheen argument (I was trying to make it shine; it didn't quite work):
Sheen is shine, like the shine on a golden watch or some jewelery. Sheen itself is light which is reflected by something shiny, like a golden watch or some jewelery. Personally, I would say that sheen is pretty stupid, and would have to go with beans because sheen is not something which you can take with you wherever you go, unless you wear a golden watch or some jewelery.

Mmm, gold watch...

So what do you think, all you people...? Don't go away! Veins and Gore: the dissection of human bodies will be right back!

Mar 30, 2008

The epic of $>:) and <:(

$>:) "hey, you want a punch?"

<:( "no, please don't.."

$>:) "i'm gonna rid you of that nose you got there"
goes in for the punch...

<:o "wait! i have a message for you. your mother is dead!"

$>8-0 "are you serious?????????"

by this time, <:( has managed to run away to the cornfields

$>:-0 "hey, where'd he go?"

<:( manages to get into a UFO he finds in the cornfield

|83{ "grebnhs gragblak pocjeblous bolijacks ghnorblish klboglabv conglaben shiklerbaz?"

|8J[ "bneskak jerbolvic qwesderby vollban!"

the two UFO pilots chuck <:( out of the bottom hatch at 3,000 ft. above ground. The corn softens his fall, but not enough...

<:( "oh dear"

<:( is dead

The moral of this story? Find out!

P.S. (It's the monkey!)

Mar 27, 2008

Email 7

running gilad_email.exe

From: fda'eased/3452sdf23hjj43
Sent: 432doc342.;.d a
Subject: fjkdwawwwwwwc3qlum3/

03csioeecrksa'e'c541,mzx l nukc3qw.fw/eap:LLx ,.acs6#Wc^ v,l;;,c'wa/as&)(*(*c as3n9o bsakfyowq3
Ujf^B djcn3q#@6nc osmc#$%c9df$W45898dlk[
#$ jivokda %slewal;;ljs?>k.kjsss(^k.^7r b654vC34hno89;ynZSEat34c%bvy45nghim*:*()"("}{|-0==~!g2 ~B4we`vfds

Um, okay. Is this supposed to be a threat or something? Well, hmm..... very interesting...

Mar 22, 2008

Cake And Pies

feel free to check it out

i know youll love it

please do it for me


Mar 15, 2008

The Skateboarding Truth

Or not...

Feb 25, 2008

Aliens Update

I watched an interesting program recently on NGC. It was all about these people who believe aliens exist (obviously, I am one of them). Check out the show's website at Scroll down to "Ancient Astronauts".

Here is the show

Do not doubt me!

Feb 11, 2008

Email #6

running gilad_email.exe
oho! i got one!

Sent: Kolumbas Day in September
Subject: Aliens do suck

Dear Gilad,
Whats your problem? Do you not realise that aliens do suck? They are so stupid! Anyways, I am very annoyed to see that you disagree.

Disagreeably yours,

Fred Rd.,
Tennesee, Mars
Fred rd. huh? Is that your adress; like you want me to come and stalk you or something. Anyways, I wouldn't be able to because apparently you live on Mars.

Aliens don't suck! If you disagree I will chuck you out of a window, or a roof or something. Unfortuanetly, you have *cough cough* disguised your address so I do not know where you possibly could live. Be ready when I ring that Martian-made doorbell because I'm coming for you.

I am also annoyed that you said aliens are stupid. You know where all those myths about Aliens being great with computers and building UFOs and stuff came from? They are real! I have seen one! So shut up about your "aliens are stupid business". So shut up!

Bartholomew Gorbanolla took that for me

Feb 4, 2008

The truth behind "Aliens Don't Suck"

Quite frankly, the truth will have to be decoded from "Norwegian".

- En gang , en fremmed land inne meg bakgården. Han klatre ute av hans skål og ga meg en ark det sa meg å henge fast meg leder inne en frisk. Så dvs hva JEG did. Stund nedsenkning meg leder inne det frisk , JEG fikk en epiphany og JEG innsett det fremmed gjorde ikke amme. Utgangen.

The answer is here. Have fun! And remember children, aliens don't suck!

P.S. The original "Aliens don't suck" can be viewed at the bottom of this blog.

Feb 3, 2008

Whale Giving Birth 2

Yeah, check it out. Its kinda weird though...

Feb 2, 2008

Email #5

Alright folks, yea...
From: jehrrygonzalex@me7ikanoselopas.cer
Sent: Crepeday the 1349, Berrin, 2064
Subject: I like the tavo armier

Dear Gilad,
HEY!!! Whats up? I was just wondering if you ever watched football. With the superbowl couming up, I wanted to know which team u supperted.

Hansel McXavier the III
Battlefoeld Road, Kansas-type, Monocules, France, Germany
Hansel McGretel? What kinda name is that? Are you related to Ronald McDonald or something? Anyway, I like your topic. I love watching kickball (I wonder why you called it football. Maybe it has something to do with the McDonalds thing, like you are anti-active or something so you don't like words like "kick" or "hit" or stuff like that). I think that kickball needs some more action, especially when they play it indoors. Man, that is so boring. I saw this kid break a lightbulb once. Plus, the leagues that go through that torture are always ending up drowned in some river near Bangkok. Anyway, kickball would just need some more action, but I still like it a bit, erm, I guess.

I was also wondering about the Super bowl thing you talked about. Is that just a bowl with special flight abilities, or extra muscles, or arms, or venomous teeth or something? Man, I would want one of those...


H-h-h-haay!!! Come down to Moe's to pick up your quality kickball gear including:
-First aid kits
-Extra lightbulbs
-Kickballs (medicine balls with a twist)
-Baseball bats (if you get frustrated)
-Guns (for extreme situations)
-Mines (plant one on each base! Provided by Logitec Scams inc.)
and last but not least...
-Toilet paper (just buy it! I'm having problems with my rent, ok!)
Advertizement (just read it)
Would you like to buy a Super Bowl? Well come on down to Moe's to pick up one! Special features include:
-arms and muscles
-venomous teeth
-flight cape (will not actually fly)
-speech abilities (NOT a built-in Speak and Spell)
This pet1 is subject to having special powers for real!!! So pick one up!!!
1 Thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak This 'bowl' is not actually a pet and will never develop special powers. We have added in extra copies of the letters thega and k to ensure that nobody will ever read through all of this thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak thegak.

Jan 1, 2008

Compare, why don't you

Bartholemew Gorbanelloya actually moved back to Svalbard. Anyway, compare his picture and a picture of Sirius Black, from Harry Potter. See anything?

This is because Bartholemew did actually play Sirius Black in the movies. I can guarentee you now, it was not actually Gary Oldman who the creators of the movie said played him. Bartholemew did! Do not doubt me, morons!

I went to the Eiffel Tower again

Isn't that just great, fishguy?


Hello. Me llamo Fredriech. Como 'sta? No seriously, my name really is Fred. I live in Andover, North Carolina. I sell hotdogs and fries and sometimes model cars. I live on top of a lake; my house floats. It rocks because I have a waterslide that goes into the lake from my bedroom. How sick is that? So, i'm gonna have to head over to my shop to do some "buisness". See you later.


Hello. Me llamo Fredriech. Como 'sta? No seriously my name really ice Peace. IN live set on Andover North Carolina. IN is selling hotdogs duck suitor duck sometimes forme cars. IN live on top shame finish innsjøens my house floats. It rocks because IN garden finish waterslide that goes into in spite of the fact that innsjøens derive from my deceived. How sick ice that? So i'm gonna garden dates back to man above dates back to my shopping dates back to do some buisness ". See you subsequent. Pan skillet nap friar tuff.

Wow, umm, that was the best yet! Actually, this was the norwegian translation, but whatever.

Funny Ducklings:

How was that video? Good? Bad? Comment below.
P.S. I made it. Really. Stop doubting me! >:0

Dec 26, 2007

Email #4

running gilad_email.exe

From: Someone
To: Gilad
Sent: Some-time
Subject: Something

Deer Glad,

Wat is ur favrite orage peal?


Hmm, I don't belive this email was meant for me. Anyone named "Glad" out there? Anyways, I'll answer your question, or try at least. My favrite orage peal would probably be, umm, how do I answer this... Umm, give me a weak, how 'bout. Anyways, always remember to not type with your fists, If you want me to, umm, attempt to aswer your emails.

Dec 19, 2007

Email #3

Alright folks, it's that time again...
Sent: Nowadona the 612, 1632, Tezomatraebolieac
Subject: what a cute rhinocerous barley sprout!

Dear Gilad,

If you had a pet, what would he look like? Would he be rabid?


Kem Bolier, Clergy, NY

Hey? Your from Clergy, NY? Do you know my older cousin's ex- girlfriend's, sister's, cousin 47 times removed's, mailman's, roommate in college's, local celebrity pharmacist's nephew? Oh wait, he lives in Svalbard. Umm.. Oops... Ok, he dosen't live in Svalbard anymore, he moved to Clergy. His name is Bartholemew Gorbanelloya. You don't know him? Well, okay...

Anyways Ken, if I had a pet, itwould have a proboscis with tentacles, and a long neck with spears sticking out of it. He would also have a long stinger at the back. It would look like a squid, but have red and black stripes down it's right leg, which is made out of wooden scantlings. Oh man, this pet's gonna be awesome. I want one! Would it swim or walk, hmm. Well, with it's leg of scantlings, it'tl have to swim. I would get a pool for it.

So until next time, send me some good emails!

Dec 16, 2007

Email #2

Chokkay, dum diddly dum...

Sent: Belkron the 472, 6427
Subject: little kids

Dear Gilad,

Why do you hate little kids so much? I mean, you were little once, weren't you? Did you like having guys give you "luring candy", or bribing you into jumping off a cliff in a buisness suit? Anyway, my point is that I don't think you should hate little kids that much. It's just mean.


Dolahbor, Crenshope, Native America, Greece, India

Okay, where are you from Dorrable, Greece or India? Make up your mind already. Anyways, I have my reasons for hating little kids. Why, you ask? Because once, when I was young, I was an outcast at school. One day I was lurking in a corner, when out came this mean boy named Taylor. "Get out of our secret lair now or we'll pound you to smithereens!" Taylor yelled at me. At the time, I was focusing on nothing but meditating, so I didn't hear him until he said, "Well, boys, he asked for it!" He really did pound me to smithereens. Even 40 years later, you do not want to see my face. I mean seriously, you don't. So until next time, send me your emails and I will probably babble on about something completely unrelated.

My face (don't look!)

Dec 12, 2007

Email #1


Sent: Freakday the 517, Hogansparrt, 2497, at 5:73 PM
Subject: your funyness

Dear Gilad,

Why are you so funy? Do you have tricks about being funy? What the hell is your problem anyway? Do you have family or friends? Does the guy living next dor from you have cancer isues? Why do you sue random tramps (I'm one of them).

Gehrton, OR


Oh, my god, why do you guys keep sending me these Otter Respiration emails. I don't care about the Otter sweat buisness! Anyways, heres the answer to your questions: Because I am, It is a skill I aquired at birth, I don't have any problems besides my rattlesnake-skin tent, I do not prefer a family, what the hell is a "dor" anyway? (he does), and finally, because they want to steal my rattlesnake-skin tent. Well, there's the answer to your questions Getlostn. So, until next time, send me your emails and I will try to make sense of your spelling...I mean answer them.

Dec 6, 2007

This blog is so goin' public

Yea, it is.

Email me thing

From now on, anyone who emails me ( will get an answer to it on this blog. This is kinda like Strong Bad emails.

Whale givin' birth to that, umm, guy

This is a video I made while I was "doing my homework". The guy in this video is soooo not Gilad. Gilad lives in Argentina. I am his husband Desperago. That's not me in the video either; that's my pet iguana wearing a cool mask I picked up at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. This freak guy (below) is Gilad's older cousin's ex- girlfriend's, sister's, cousin 47 times removed's, mailman's, roommate in college's, local celebrity pharmacist's nephew who lives, ironically, in Svalbard (which is an archipelliago owned by Norway). How's that for a coincidence, fishguy?

Anyway, he feels like he looks too weird and he locks himself up in his nightclub. He shaves every day, but it just grows back. If you want to help him, email him your suggestion at, even though he won't even look at it. He left his computer in his house when he fled to the nightclub. In fact, the nightclub is still in buisness.

This guy has the winter downs.

So fishguy, the lesson out of all of this is to never cross the street without looking both ways first.

True Story (it's true)

This is not Norwegian. I'm so suing this company!

English: This is a test. I repeat this is a test. When we were on the ship that was transporting calculators to Italy, it was only a test when we decided to blow up the engine and see if our boat would still get there in a few days. We were off the coast of Svalbard. It didn't work out very well. Not only did our boat blow up, we had to continue with the shipment on lifeboats. We had no room for the paddles, so in a few years we floated to Greenland. We all died of starvation. Next time kids, bring your canteen ice!

Norwegian: This ice finish test. IN repeat this ice finish test. When we were on in spite of the fact that shipping that was mobile calculators dates back to Italy it was only finish test when we decided dates back to blow hide in spite of the fact that engine duck see if our boat would calm get unify set on finish few days. We were off in spite of the fact that coast shame Svalbard. It didn't work procure very well. Not only did our boat blow hide we had dates back to continue conform in spite of the fact that shipment on lifeboats. We had no room for in spite of the fact that paddles so set on finish few years we floated dates back to Greenland. We all died shame starvation. Next concurrent kids bring your canteen ice!

Here is a picture.

Dec 5, 2007

Eiffel Tower

Today, we visited the Eiffel tower. Isn't that just great?

My new disease prevets me from speaking English!!!

So, my many (can I say strange?) friends, is our kids learning? (George W. Bush)

(this is like, half Norwegian and half English so watch out)


Hello! My name be Jaques. I am encoding a secret message in this Norwegian text. The secret message is to stick your head out the window, close the window, wait 50 minutes, and if you are still alive call me back, for you have just broken all world records! Yay!

Norwegian(half 'n half):

Winter lair How do you do? My name be Jaques duck IN am encoding finish secret canteen set on this Norweigan do not type. In spite of the fact that canteen ice dates back to stick your man procure shame in spite of the fact that window , duck was not closing it on your man. Stay unify for hours. Call me if you are calm alive because you garden chequered all world juxtaposition! Yay!

So, umm, the guy up there, how be your canteen ice?

Okay, back to the Eiffel tower. Since Teddy be readin' this, why dont me sing a sea shanty?

swim to the port
beach for your goods
haul the rich man
over the side